Components of a Great Compliment: How to Give Encouragement That Sticks

We all know how good it feels to be complimented—but not all compliments are created equal. Some feel shallow (“Nice shirt!”), while others go straight to the depths of our soul and shape how we see ourselves.

So what’s the difference? It comes down to three components: Observation, Interpretation, and Connection.

When layered together, these components turn simple words into identity-building encouragement that lasts.

1. Observation: “I saw you…” 

The first step in giving a great compliment is noticing. Observation grounds your words in something real, which makes the compliment feel authentic and believable.

Example:
“I saw you keep trying even when it got hard.”

Why it matters: Kids (and adults!) can tell when praise is vague. By pointing out specific actions, you prove you’re paying attention.

2. Interpretation: “That shows…” 

Observation is nice, but interpretation gives meaning. Here, you link the action to a character trait or value.

Example:
“That shows persistence.”

Why it matters: Anyone can say “Good job.” But when you name the character behind the action—persistence, kindness, courage—you help them see themselves through a strengths-based lens. Over time, they start to believe: “This is who I am.”

3. Connection: “This will help you…” 

The final step is connection. Here, you tie the observed character trait to the bigger picture of their life.

Example:
“Persistence will help you in school, friendships, and beyond.”

Why it matters: This step stretches the compliment beyond the moment. It reminds the person that their character has ripple effects that shape their future.

The Magic Is in the Layering 

Each component is powerful on its own. But when you put them together—Observation + Interpretation + Connection—you move from simple praise to identity-building affirmation.

Let’s compare:

• Basic praise: “You’re smart.”

• Layered compliment: “I noticed how you worked through that tough math problem (observation). That shows determination (interpretation). That determination is going to help you in every challenge you face (connection).”

See the difference? One is fleeting. The other builds identity.

Why This Matters for Parents, Teachers, and Leaders

Whether you’re raising kids, mentoring teens, or leading a team, your words shape the people you influence. Compliments aren’t just niceties—they’re a way of naming identity.

When done well, they help others feel seen, valued, and capable of growth. And the best part? It’s simple. You don’t need perfect words—just attentive eyes, a little interpretation, and a forward-looking connection.

Final Takeaway

The next time you want to encourage someone, remember the three components:

• Observation → “I saw you…”

• Interpretation → “That shows…”

• Connection → “This will help you…”

Layer them together, and you’ll give a compliment that doesn’t just make someone smile for a moment—it shapes how they see themselves for years to come.

Because the right words, at the right time, can change a life.

At Healing Hearts Counseling in Denham Springs, we know the right words can bring life and healing. Our psychiatric nurse practitioner and team of counselors provide compassionate care for children, teens, and adults. Meet our team.